F- -. No F+. No F. No, not even an F- will suffice for this parent's grade (the mama, by the way). Only an F-- will do, and that's only because something has to be recorded in the grade book, lol! I want to respectfully bow out of parenthood. It is too hard. The subject matter doesn't make sense, and the homework is more than I can do on an average day!
I have 7 subjects that I study. Each of them are all incredibly different, and none of them easy. I guess I never realized that I was signing up to take AP courses. Surely I will earn credit for these subjects somewhere, although I am pretty sure that I am taking them pass/fail. No sliding scale for me!
My first course we'll call drama. Because it's only appropriate for a tween daughter. There are tears over hair-dos and tears over homework and tears over annoying brothers. Her feelings about her circumstances in life mirror my current attitude towards this course: "I can't take it anymore!" This course will also fulfill my foreign language requirement because that's what she seems to be speaking most now a days :)
My second course we'll call statistics (at the graduate level), because, well, he's just so hard to understand. Hours spent in study group, teamwork, and meeting with the guidance counselor still have not provided me with much insight as to how to solve the problems or understand why it's a required course in so many majors! (Although, I guess you could say for me that taking this course was totally elective, lol!)
My third course of study is Business Etiquette. Because not having any etiquette is his business......Let's see. Invading personal space? Check. Telling a visitor (an ADULT visitor) he has a triangle-head? Check. No napkin, no problem. That's what sleeves are for. And his immense enjoyment over bodily functions is more than this parent can stand! Truly, my son is the boy that Spongebob was created for, and if you know me at all, I HATE Spongebob! He (SB) is an outlaw at my house, and some days so is my son!
My fourth subject matter is creative writing, because this kindergartener can tell a good story. Not only does this kid know how to draft a great opening paragraph, but the supporting details that he manages to come up with are worthy of the pultizer prize in literature!! This particular subject comes with a co-requisite....art. He is extremely deft at choosing his mediums and technique.....clay on a hallway wall, crayon on the gym floor during church (he was drawing a hopscotch grid), pencil on a wall, pen on a wall, permanent marker on his brother, I think you get my drift. My, oh, my, the pen is truly mightier than the sword most days!
My fifth course credit is 4 year old Computer Science. Class is most often conducted by a team of profs named Mario and Luigi, although Sonic has been known to substitute when the dynamic duo fail to show for class, i.e. the disc is misplaced. I hope all the hand eye coordination studies regarding video games are true, because right now, they're the only hope I have!
Course of study number six, lessons in home economics from a 3 year old.....1 car flushed down the toilet + 100 laps with a Tonka truck around the dining room table over a hardwood floor + 1 open refrigerator door and 30 grapes all over the tv room floor + 1/2 bottle of glue squeezed out on 1 booster seat = 1 frustrated mom at the end of the day.
Finally, course seven, Psychology of Gender. It's what you have to take when you have 5 boys in a row and then you have a girl. I feel like our daughter is going to end up with gender confusion because I keep calling her "buddy" and "lil man". This course also comes with a required lab called "Nursing 101." Even though I have taken it 6 times in the past, it is a requirement that I take it again because somehow I always manage to forget the subject matter. Late night study sessions are the only way to ensure a passing grade, and let's just say there is no pizza and Taco Bell to share when your study partner has no teeth!
Needless to say, I have a full course load. And I am no where near graduation! So many days I just want to switch majors, but that doesn't mean that I don't realize how important it is for me to get this education.
Being a mom is hard work, no matter how many courses you are currently taking. Throw in the all-nighters, and the pop quizzes (What makes the sky blue? Where's the remote? Can I wear makeup?) and study halls (i.e., scripture and prayer), and you can find yourself on the brink of exhaustion and delirium.
I guess it is times like these that I am glad that there really is only one true Professor, and I think, no I know, that he knows how much I want to succeed in each of my studies. The hard part is to show up each day prepared for class...............
