Mayhem - Apple Jack: The Story of a Boy and his Apple

Recently, the Kindergarten class paid tribute to apple picking season by creating "apple creatures" with their family. Their creatures were then taken to school and displayed for the week for all the school to admire.

Since no one seemed to think that my idea to paint on a black jacket and stick on a white sequined glove and call it Apple Jackson (hee!hee!) held any merit, we decided instead to pay tribute to the holiday that dentists look forward to every year - Halloween! So, in true Dr. Frankenstein fashion, we developed and created (insert scary music here)..........

Apple Jack!

Teague was very proud of his creation. He took very good care of him, and Apple Jack was transported to school in a device somewhat akin to a presidential motorcade (aka: a tupperware container with wadded up paper towels to protect Apple Jack from the bumps and bruises of the bus). Teague and Apple Jack were able to spend a wonderful week together at school; Apple Jack made new friends with the other apple creatures on display, and Teague only got a color change once :)

Their week together passed quickly, and all too soon it was time for Apple Jack to return to his final resting place - the kitchen counter. (It must be a great final resting place, because everything we own seems to rest there and never leave!) However, what's a Halloween story without a gory ending.........the long ride home proved to be too much for Apple Jack and Teague's meager operational/assembling skills...........Parents, avert your children's eyes! Those with weak stomachs, do not proceed! Apple Jack did not make it home a whole apple.

The bus ride had dismembered him, and those parts not covered in hot glue were consumed by the ravenous zombie children who rode the bus. But he still holds a place of honor in our kitchen and will most assuredly receive a prominent spot in our Halloween decor this year. He really was the apple of Teague's eye.

Public Service Announcement: Tune in next week for our ongoing tribute to apple horror stories, Applesaws.

Musing - Go War Eagles! And the bitter taste that leaves in my mouth!

For anyone that knows us, we are die-hard Alabama Crimson Tide fans - the "Sorry kids, this game is going into it's fifth overtime, so we may not make it to the ward Halloween party this year" kind of fans (true story, by the way). So, of course it would only be fitting that our 2nd grade son, in his first year of playing tackle football, would get assigned to the "War Eagles" team. Yes, Virginia, God does have a sense of humor. Perhaps the only saving grace here is that the colors are red, black and white and NOT orange and blue.......but I digress.

We are really proud of our son. Being as this is his first year, he has been assigned the position of "bear crawler." (This is a code name for "Because this is your first year to play, we are going to give you a position that you can't really screw up.") We have really enjoyed watching him work hard and improve each week. It has been fun to watch him broaden his understanding of the dynamics of the game and also have that reflected in how he better understands the games that he watches on TV.

Although his team's record is 0-2, we are so excited to have our little Tiny Might/Pee Wee/What Ever (do they even call it that anymore?). And we love the fact that he is still young enough to care more about the football-shaped Krispy Kreme doughnut waiting for him at the end of the game than he does about winning! That's what I call V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!

Musing - Parenting 101 - Tipping a Hat to the Back to School Daze

F- -. No F+. No F. No, not even an F- will suffice for this parent's grade (the mama, by the way). Only an F-- will do, and that's only because something has to be recorded in the grade book, lol! I want to respectfully bow out of parenthood. It is too hard. The subject matter doesn't make sense, and the homework is more than I can do on an average day!

I have 7 subjects that I study. Each of them are all incredibly different, and none of them easy. I guess I never realized that I was signing up to take AP courses. Surely I will earn credit for these subjects somewhere, although I am pretty sure that I am taking them pass/fail. No sliding scale for me!

My first course we'll call drama. Because it's only appropriate for a tween daughter. There are tears over hair-dos and tears over homework and tears over annoying brothers. Her feelings about her circumstances in life mirror my current attitude towards this course: "I can't take it anymore!" This course will also fulfill my foreign language requirement because that's what she seems to be speaking most now a days :)

My second course we'll call statistics (at the graduate level), because, well, he's just so hard to understand. Hours spent in study group, teamwork, and meeting with the guidance counselor still have not provided me with much insight as to how to solve the problems or understand why it's a required course in so many majors! (Although, I guess you could say for me that taking this course was totally elective, lol!)

My third course of study is Business Etiquette. Because not having any etiquette is his business......Let's see. Invading personal space? Check. Telling a visitor (an ADULT visitor) he has a triangle-head? Check. No napkin, no problem. That's what sleeves are for. And his immense enjoyment over bodily functions is more than this parent can stand! Truly, my son is the boy that Spongebob was created for, and if you know me at all, I HATE Spongebob! He (SB) is an outlaw at my house, and some days so is my son!

My fourth subject matter is creative writing, because this kindergartener can tell a good story. Not only does this kid know how to draft a great opening paragraph, but the supporting details that he manages to come up with are worthy of the pultizer prize in literature!! This particular subject comes with a co-requisite....art. He is extremely deft at choosing his mediums and technique.....clay on a hallway wall, crayon on the gym floor during church (he was drawing a hopscotch grid), pencil on a wall, pen on a wall, permanent marker on his brother, I think you get my drift. My, oh, my, the pen is truly mightier than the sword most days!

My fifth course credit is 4 year old Computer Science. Class is most often conducted by a team of profs named Mario and Luigi, although Sonic has been known to substitute when the dynamic duo fail to show for class, i.e. the disc is misplaced. I hope all the hand eye coordination studies regarding video games are true, because right now, they're the only hope I have!

Course of study number six, lessons in home economics from a 3 year old.....1 car flushed down the toilet + 100 laps with a Tonka truck around the dining room table over a hardwood floor + 1 open refrigerator door and 30 grapes all over the tv room floor + 1/2 bottle of glue squeezed out on 1 booster seat = 1 frustrated mom at the end of the day.

Finally, course seven, Psychology of Gender. It's what you have to take when you have 5 boys in a row and then you have a girl. I feel like our daughter is going to end up with gender confusion because I keep calling her "buddy" and "lil man". This course also comes with a required lab called "Nursing 101." Even though I have taken it 6 times in the past, it is a requirement that I take it again because somehow I always manage to forget the subject matter. Late night study sessions are the only way to ensure a passing grade, and let's just say there is no pizza and Taco Bell to share when your study partner has no teeth!

Needless to say, I have a full course load. And I am no where near graduation! So many days I just want to switch majors, but that doesn't mean that I don't realize how important it is for me to get this education.

Being a mom is hard work, no matter how many courses you are currently taking. Throw in the all-nighters, and the pop quizzes (What makes the sky blue? Where's the remote? Can I wear makeup?) and study halls (i.e., scripture and prayer), and you can find yourself on the brink of exhaustion and delirium.

I guess it is times like these that I am glad that there really is only one true Professor, and I think, no I know, that he knows how much I want to succeed in each of my studies. The hard part is to show up each day prepared for class...............